


The Chrismukkah Vampire

by tprillahfiction



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Chanukah, Chrismukkah, Christmas, Christmas Party, Farce, Happy Ending, Jewish!Spock, K/S Advent, Kirk/Spock Advent Calendar, LTR, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Oral Sex, Space Husbands, Vampires, holiday fic, holiday party, kirk/spock advent, vampire feeding time, vampire fic, vampire!Spock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-08 00:52:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8823466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tprillahfiction/pseuds/tprillahfiction
Summary: Spock has a terrible secret:  When Christmas Eve and the First Night of Chanukah occur on the same date, he turns into a Vampire.  Jim finds out and decides to give Spock a special Christmas gift, himself to feed upon.  A farce written for K/S Advent 2016.Artwork at the end.





	

**THE CHRISMUKKAH VAMPIRE**

 

Dr. McCoy answered the emergency summons, racing over to the captain's quarters. He entered the cabin, the doors swooshing open to admit him.

The captain lay sprawled out on his bunk, glassy eyes fixed. Nude. McCoy checked the wrist, then the neck. No pulse. He gave the man a precordial thump to try to restart the heart--still no pulse. He tried it again. Gave the man a shot of cordriazine. Still nothing.

He could see Spock out of the corner of his eye, but was too immersed in his task, trying to save the captain's life, to acknowledge him.

 

**_One Week Earlier..._ **

"Oh, Spock, yeah, like that, do it just like that," Jim breathed out. "Oh, baby, like that." Spock ran his tongue down the underside of Jim's shaft, then up again, to the glans, circling the man's cock with his right hand, rubbing the testicles with his left. "Ohhhh," Jim moaned and came. Spock swallowed every last drop.

Jim closed his eyes. "Mmmm, Spock."

Spock eyed the chrono, there was only enough time to engage in what human's called a 'quickie'. He rolled Jim over, applied lube and entered him.

A few moments later, Jim walked around the quarters he shared with Spock, got ready for his watch on the bridge, donning his tunic. He sipped coffee out of his mug that Spock had bought him for Christmas last year. "Spock," he murmured, picking up a PADD. "It is your turn to organize the holiday party."

Spock, in a towel after his shower, began to dry his hair. He sighed. "Must I?"

"Every senior officer has to take a turn. It's your year. It's held on Christmas Eve."

Spock rolled his eyes. "I am Jewish."

"I know. And you are a Vulcan. But that's why it's a 'Holiday' party and not a 'Christmas' party so it can include everybody. You know how ship-wide parties help morale."

"I am aware, Jim."

"Bones will help you with the booze."

"Of course," Spock said.

By the way, when is Chanukah this year?"

"Computer," Spock said. "Give the dates of Chanukah, for the current year."

"Working: Stardates 2216.24 through 2217.1."

"Hey," Jim said, taking another sip of coffee. "That's neat."

"What is?"

"Christmas Eve and the First night of Chanukah occurs on the same date. Chrismukkah, right? That's good, isn't it? You can light the Menorah at the Holiday party! Or maybe Mr. Chekov can have the honor...it's up to you."

"The First Night of Chanukah and Christmas Eve are occuring on the same date this year?" Spock's eyes widened.

"Yeah!" Jim said. "What's wrong?" He came closer to Spock. "Hey, Baby, what's wrong?" He reached out, tried to put his hands on Spock's shoulders, but Spock drew back. "Hey, you look like you've seen a ghost! I've never seen you like that. What is it?"

Spock gulped. "It is...nothing, Jim." He turned and walked back into their bathroom.

* * *

Spock sat in his chair at the science station, chewing on the inside of his cheek. He closed and opened his fist. He stood. "Captain," he said tightly. "With your permission, I shall be in the computer lab."

"Very well, Mr. Spock," the captain replied, signing a report.

Spock left the bridge.

* * *

"What's the matter, Jim?" Bones asked, taking a sip of coffee in the officer's mess.

"I don't know. It's Spock...he's been in a fucking snit all day."

"How can you tell?" Bones asked.

"What do you mean? I am aware of Spock's moods all the time. I can read him like a book."

"He's a walking computer. He's got the same expression for everything," Bones said.

"You don't know him like I do," Jim said, elbowing the man.

"Hmph. Thank God." Bones took another sip of coffee. Jim took a bite of his chicken sandwich.

"Maybe it's because he has to organize the Holiday party this year," Jim mused.

"It's Spock's turn?" Bones chuckled. "Oh, shit."

"What?"

Bones smirked. "Nothing."

"You don't think Spock can organize a Holiday party?"

"I think I'm gonna skip it this year," Bones said.

"Why? It'll be fun!"

"Spock? Organizing our Holiday bash? Are you nuts? Why didn't you have Scotty do it?"

"He did it last year. It's Spock's turn. Besides, I told him you'd help him with procuring the alcohol."

Bones groaned.

* * *

Jim woke up in bed, alone. He glanced around. Spock hadn't been in quarters, all night long. He went to the comm. "Captain to Mr. Spock."

"Bridge," the Vulcan said. "Spock here."

"Oh. Alright. Just checking in with my first officer. Status report." He threw Spock a look that said: 'what the fuck are you doing?' Hoping it translated over the comm screen.

Spock's expression and voice were tightly controlled. "Nothing to report, Captain."

"Acknowledged. I'll be on the bridge later."

"Affirmative," Spock replied.

Jim sighed. "Kirk out."

* * *

As soon as Jim arrived on the bridge, Spock stood up from the command chair. "Captain, I will be in the computer lab, with your permission."

"Again?"  Jim smiled but Spock did not meet his eyes. "If you're having difficulty with your assignment, I can uh...give it to Scotty."

"Negative, Captain. I am having no difficulty. By your leave, I will go to the lab. Sir." Spock stood at attention.

Jim nodded. "Fine."

* * *

"Computer, run the test again," Spock commanded. This time he adjusted one variable.

The test came back negative.

No.

It cannot be.

He tried to rationalize it. Perhaps the curse will not come true. Perhaps it had merely been a threat. But he knew that the curse was real. His affliction would develop.

Symptoms were already starting to occur. Warning signs. He was not feeling like himself. His heart rate was increasing, however that could be controlled. He was becoming gaunt. Dark circles had appeared under his eyes. He was feeling pain in his stomach. A gnawing. He was beginning to experience...a hunger. Unlike anything he had ever felt before. Not for food. But for...BLOOD.

"I should never have touched that ancient artifact," he said out loud.

He had only picked it up to examine it, only momentarily, his curiosity getting the better of him. The vampiric, undead (according to Dr. McCoy) citizens of Cultus III were not amused. They captured the landing party, threw them into a cell. He was separated from his shipmates for an hour. To pay for his crime, defiling the artifact, the prefect of Cultus III bestowed a curse upon him: When the First Night of Chanukah and Christmas Eve lined up, occurred on the same date-- Chrismukkah-- he would become like them. A vampire. That had happened years ago. Their first year into the mission, to be precise. He had dismissed the incident and forgotten about it, until now.

A cry escaped his lips.

He was hungry. So very hungry.

So far on the scan...(he had stolen the Type II scanner from sickbay) he still registered normal life signs. He was alive. Albeit with symptoms. But things would change on December 24th. He would become undead and a monster. He would become a Vampire.

Perhaps he should alert Dr. McCoy.  Combining forces, they could develop an antidote.

No. There was none.

He would hide himself away. He could survive this. He could steal plasma from sickbay to tide him over. Soon he would revert back to normal. He hoped.

* * *

Spock passed Dr. McCoy in the corridor. McCoy's hand shot out, grabbed Spock's arm, halting him. "Hey, uh, Spock...about that Holiday party. Now, listen, I've ordered several cases of brandy and plenty of eggnog-- _holy shit_!"

Spock raised an eyebrow.

"You look like death warmed over!" the doctor said.

"Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately, Dr. McCoy?" Spock shot back.

"Very funny. No, seriously, what's wrong with you?" McCoy patted himself for his type II scanner, found it missing. Where the hell did it go?

"Nothing is wrong, Doctor. Merely the effects of deep space."

"My ass. Get to sickbay." He tried to propel the Vulcan who slipped easily out of his grasp.

"Doctor, I assure you, I am fine. However, I am very busy. If you will excuse me." Spock continued on his way.

McCoy sighed. He supposed looking like hell wasn't a good enough reason to drag the first officer to sickbay, after all.

* * *

On Friday, the day before the Holiday party, Jim had had enough. He decided to do some detective work.

One of the reasons for this investigation was that Spock hadn't been in quarters all week. Hadn't wanted him. The Vulcan often went without sleep and worked long hours, however he usually at least desired sexual activity, even if he was working on a project, for crying out loud. And Jim wasn't convinced Spock had done any preparations whatsoever with that goddamned Holiday party. The doors to the main rec room had been locked all week, sealed by the first officer. Jim was afraid that nothing had been done. No decorations. No music. No food. Nothing. And Bones was making grumbling noises about Spock not looking like himself and: 'goddammit, Jim, what if he's hit that _pon farr_ thing again, that's all we fucking need on Christmas.' Not to mention, Spock had been in one the most miserably foulest of moods all week, barely seeming like a person at all--and more like McCoy had described him-- a walking computer. A robot. What the fuck was going on with him? Their ship-wide holiday party could not be compromised, think of what it would do to the crew?

"I should have given the assignment to Bones or Scotty," Jim mumbled.

He entered the computer lab. It was vacant now but Spock had been here all week. Up to something. Jim sat down at a computer. Thought about it for a moment. Then shrugged.

"Override, First Officer's personal log," he commanded.

* * *

Spock sat in his quarters. "Computer. Who is the lowest ranking--" He halted. Horrified.

"Command not recognized."

"No, no, no!" Spock cried out. Covering his face with his hands. "I cannot believe I--" He had nearly asked the computer for details on the least valuble member of crew, the lowest ranking, a non-commissioned member, preferably a male. Spock would corner the crewman and then feed upon him--incapacitating him, until said crewman could build back their blood stores.

He was not going to be satisfied with plasma from sickbay.

But he must not do this.

* * *

Jim skidded into Sickbay. "Bones! You gotta help me!"

Bones looked up from his brandy. "Huh?"

"Spock. It's Spock. He's gonna turn into a Vampire."

"What?" Bones broke out into laughter.

"No, seriously! Remember that planet, Cultus III?"

"Yeah, I remember, Jim." Bones shuddered. "They were the creepiest aliens ever. They never showed up on my tri-corder."

"Yeah well, Spock's gonna turn into one of them on Christmas Eve."

"You're shitting me, Jim!"

"No, I'm not! They cursed him for touching that fucking artifact. Now he's gonna turn into a Vampire. When Christmas Eve and the First Night of Chanukah fall on the same date."

"How do you know?"

"I read his personal log entries!"

"Oh my God!" Bones jumped up. "Where is he?"

"I can't find him anywhere!"

"Alright. Let's remain calm. You find him. And, maybe I can come up with an antidote."

* * *

Spock lay on the bio-bed, arms folded. "I assure you, I am not ill."

"You're gonna be a Vampire on Christmas Eve, aren't you," Jim said.

"Negative," Spock said.

Jim groaned. "Come on, Spock. Admit it!"

"Jim, I have duties to perform."

"That's not what your log entries say, Spock," Bones said.

"I do not know what you are talking about, Doctor," Spock replied.

"Have you finished planning the Christmas party?" Jim asked. "It's supposed to be tomorrow."

"Holiday party," Spock corrected. "And I do not wish to comment on the matter."

"He hasn't planned the party?" Bones said, looking up from his mediPADD.

Spock sighed. "I do not wish to discuss the Holiday party at this time."

"I don't believe this," Bones said.

"I know," Jim said. "The Holiday party's gonna be a huge disaster, thanks a lot Spock!"

"No, I mean, there's no antidote to Spock's curse," Bones replied, holding up the PADD. "See? Nothing I can do. He's just gonna have to ride it out. I'll give him a bag of stored plasma, he'll be fine."

"There is no curse. I am not going to be a Vampire. I do not want a bag of stored plasma." Spock glanced up at the telemetry. "There is nothing wrong with me."

Bones sighed. "He's right, Jim. He's not manifesting any acute symptoms at the moment other than looking like something the cat drug in. I'm gonna release him."

* * *

Jim ordered Scotty to break into the main rec-room. To see for themselves if Spock had decorated for the Holiday party.

"Aye, Sir," Scotty said, then got to work with his crew.

Spock had booby trapped the door. Scotty's phaser overloaded. "I've never seen anything like it," Scotty said.

"He doesn't want us in there," Jim said. "Dammit!"

* * *

On Saturday, Christmas Eve, there was some scuttlebutt that the party was canceled. "It's not canceled!" Jim insisted.

Scotty still couldn't break into that rec-room.

"Maybe we could hold an alternate party," Scotty mused. "In Engineering."

"No, no, no," Jim said. "It's gonna be in that rec-room. I want to know if Spock has actually fulfilled his duties. If he hasn't, then he will face disciplinary action."

Jim went to the bridge. He hadn't seen Spock all day long. One could only hope the party would happen when it was supposed to. He did a shipwide broadcast: "This is the captain speaking. The Holiday party will comensce at 20:00 hours. Be there or...uh...be square. Captain out."

In the meantime, if Spock's log entries were accurate--and Jim feared they were, what was going to happen to Spock? How would he function as a Vampire? Was it only temporary or permanent?

Spock would need to feed, wouldn't he. He wouldn't want that cold plasma in the sickbay stores. He would want warm blood to drink.

Jim suddenly had an idea. He left the bridge. He had to hurry, or it wouldn't arrive in time.

* * *

Spock stood at the door of the rec-room. There was a crowd of crew waiting with baited breath.

"I present to you, this year's Holiday party," Spock told them. He opened the door.

The crew gasped as they entered.

Jim looked inside and smiled at Spock.

* * *

"Oh my God, Jim!" Bones said. "This is the best Holiday party ever! I mean, look at this place! It's gorgeous! Look at all the food and the orchestra and the dance floor and the christmas trees! And Santa Claus! And Candy Canes and fake snow! I knew he could do it! I knew Spock could do it, didn't I say he could do it?" Bones asked Scotty who'd walked up, already drunk.

"Aye!"

"Goddamit, Jim!, we should make him organize it every year! Merry Christmas, Jim!" Bones held up his brandy glass.

"Yeah," Jim said. He was eyeing the first officer, over by himself, against the wall, watching. Looking very frail. It looked as if the Holiday party planning had taken everything out of him.

"Spock's not a Vampire," Bones said into Jim's ear.

"It's not Chanukah, yet," Jim said. "Wait for the candle lighting. Then we'll see."

"Oh," Bones said. "Yeah. I have the bag of plasma, in his quarters, ready for him. If he needs it."

* * *

Mr. Chekov had the honor of lighting the candle for the first night of Chanukah. He sang out the blessing.

Spock sagged against the wall. Jim sprang into action. He appeared next to the first officer. "I have a gift for you, in my quarters."

Spock looked at Jim. "No."

"Come on, Spock, let's go," Jim insisted.

Spock seemed too weak to fight any longer. The Vulcan allowed himself to be propelled out of the rec-room, the party going on behind them.

* * *

Jim maneuvered the first officer into his cabin. He'd decked the place out with a metallic christmas tree, make things a little special. And a menorah for Spock. They'd light the candle together, later. But first:

I have a gift under that tree for you, Baby," Jim said. "Sit down, open it."

Spock closed his eyes and seemed to sniff the air, he opened them, seemed to steel himself. "Alright."

Jim handed him the gift. "I know you're Jewish, but Merry Christmas."

In spite of things, Spock allowed a smirk. "Happy Chanukah, Jim."

"Open it! Open it!" Jim prompted. "Hurry! Before you pass out on me."

Spock opened it. He tilted his head in surprise. It was a Dracula costume. "Jim," Spock said in an exasperated tone of voice "I am not a Vampire."

"Yes, you are. I can see it in your eyes, Baby. You don't have to hide it from me. I love you."

Spock sighed. "I feel so ashamed."

"It's alright, Spock. Here, put the costume on. I'll help you."

Spock was every bit the Vampire count. He looked regal, gorgeous, dignified in his dark red velvet dracula costume, complete with a jeweled medallion and black cape.

"You look so sexy, Spock!" Jim said.

"Thank you, Jim," Spock said, in a very weak voice.

"Now for your other gift. Turn around. No peeking."

Spock did so, Jim removed his clothing. He picked up a huge bow, placed it on his chest, then lay down on the bed. "Okay, Spock, you can look now."

Spock turned around. "What is this?"

"I'm your other gift," Jim explained. "Me."

Spock hesitated. "I do not understand."

"You're hungry. You need blood. You can bite me." Jim touched his neck. "I give myself to you."

"Jim, no!"

"You don't have much time, Baby. You're starving. I'm willing. Come on."

"What if I seriously injure or even kill you?"

"You're not gonna kill me. Come on, Spock. It'll be kinky. I want you to drink my blood. Bite me."

"No."

Jim beckoned. "Come on, Spock. Don't I smell good?"

"You smell delicious."

"I know. Come on."

Spock approached his gift. Jim. He eyed the bow on Jim's chest. He plucked the bow off, threw it onto the deck. His incisors grew into fangs.

Jim tamped down his fear.

Spock leaned over, bit down on his neck.

Jim screamed.

* * *

Dr. McCoy stood over Jim in sickbay. "His body is in stasis. I can't...I couldn't save him. I couldn't replenish his blood fast enough. Why in the hell didn't you just stick with the bag of plasma I sent to your quarters?"

Spock sat in a chair.  He leaned over, still clad in his Dracula costume. "Jim thought it would be better if I fed on him."

"And look what happened. You got a little over eager and exanguinated him!"

"I have murdered him," Spock said. "What am I going to do?"

"Well, now you're captain of the ship."

"No," Spock said. "I am turning myself over to the authorities. I have killed my captain and my partner."

McCoy snapped his fingers. "Wait a minute. There is something I can try. It's a long shot, but...."

"What is it, Doctor?"

"Give me your arm. I'll need your Vampire blood."

* * *

Jim opened his eyes. McCoy smiled. "Well, now, welcome back." McCoy glanced up at the telemetry above the biobed.

"What happened?" Jim asked.

"Oh, Spock just exanguinated you, that's all."

"Really? Shouldn't I be dead?" Jim asked. He looked over at Spock who stood next to the biobed, smirking back at him.

"You are, Jim," McCoy said. "Technically."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're actually undead. To bring you back, in a last ditch effort, I had to feed you Spock's blood. Since he is a Vampire at the moment, so are you."

"I am?"

"But don't worry, once Chanukah and Christmas are over with, you'll go back to normal."

"So I'm really a Vampire right now?"

"Yeah."

"Wow," Jim said. "Hey, Spock, you look good, nice and healthy."

"It's all that blood he stole from you," McCoy said, glaring at Spock.

"I offered myself to him," Jim said.

"Yeah well, you won't be doing that ever again, that's for sure. So, uh...just to let you know, now the Cultus III curse also applies to you. I'm sorry, Jim."

"You mean, the next time Chanukah and Christmas Eve fall on the same date, I am also doomed to turn into a Vampire?"

"Yes, and the Vampire effect lasts until Chanukah is over with. So you and your boyfriend here, have seven more days to...uh...walk around undead."

Jim smiled. He beckoned Spock over and took his hand. "How romantic!"

"Indeed it is," Spock replied.

"Doesn't he look cute in his Dracula costume, Bones?"

Bones rolled his eyes, he was going to have to round up a shitload of plasma, stat.

_______________

end.

Illustration:  Vampire Spock and Jim


End file.
